mzminola:

twinkie13:

frosttrix:

thepioden:

aenramsden:

I want to see a fanfic where Harry hatches a basilisk.

I want to see a fanfic where he looks up “magical snakes” as soon as he gets to Hogwarts because that thing at the zoo always bugged him, and so the Trio works out that it’s a basilisk immediately after the first petrification in Second Year. But they don’t know how it’s getting around or where it is or anything, so Harry is just like WELP SET A BASILISK TO FIND A BASILISK while Hermione and Ron are like HARRY NO.

I want to see a fanfic where Harry sticks a chicken egg under a toad and makes all these plans about how he’ll talk to his huge deadly snake and get it eye-blinkers and shit so it doesn’t kill people and make sure it’s not too aggressive, and somehow it never occurs to his twelve-year old brain that the chicken egg has a total volume of about four tablespoons and he is not going to get the giant King of Serpents he is expecting.

I want to see a fanfic where it finally breaks out of the shell and Harry finds himself with a bb!basilisk too smol to even have the murder-eyes yet, who can only petrify someone for about half an hour before the effect wears off. She eats spiders and gets tired very easily and demands that he wear a hood she can curl up in and sleep.

(She is also the same vivid green as his eyes and already hideously venomous, but doesn’t like using her fangs because she says they get cold and give her brain freeze when she unsheathes them.)

I just… I really want Harry with a haughty, demanding, arrogant danger noodle who has an overinflated sense of her own importance, views Hedwig as a TERRIFYING MENACE because she isn’t big enough to eat owls yet and keeps up a steady stream of insults hissed in Harry’s ear whenever she’s near someone who has a Dark Mark (which she can sense at close range). And who is basically useless as a familiar because she refuses to slither across anything other than sun-warmed stones or Harry, hasn’t got a very powerful gaze yet and doesn’t like biting people.

(Except snake-arm-people. She finds snake-arm-people confusing and annoying, and would probably make an exception on the no-biting thing where they’re concerned.)

I mean there are obviously a lot of factors influencing snake growth rate but if we assume basilisks just get stupidhuge because they grow their whole lives and are immortal, this snake is probably going to be at least 8 feet long by Deathly Hallows, which is a significant and intimidating chunk of scaly muscle that is intelligent enough to do what it is told. Like, you know, hey, bite this necklace.  

So I mean by like his fourth year it’s going to be pretty hard to hide this snake that is nearly as long as he is tall and it’s not going to do much for his reputation that the Boy Who Lived has a pet fucking basilisk but holy damn does it make book seven a whole hell of a lot shorter. 

I feel like I should write this

can you just imagine him ron and hermione coming up with increasingly ridiculous excuses trying to hide their pet baby basilisk in the dorms (hagrid would be so proud). how long do you think it’d take before harry’s pet basilisk is just a really badly hidden secret between all of gryffindor? and the ensuring antics of the entire house as they try to keep mcgonagall from finding out? (she knows something is up, but even just thinking of what could be big enough the entire house is trying to keep it from her makes her want to break out the firewhiskey)

ron gets the idea to try and practices parseltongue with baby basilisk since he hears harry talking in his sleep with it all the time anyway (and ngl, baby basilisk is kind of adorable and eats all the spiders in the dorm so he doesn’t have to deal with them, he’s pretty smitten once she hatches), and as soon as hermione overhears him trying it, she’s dragging him and harry to the library because, well, parseltongue is a language, why can’t they learn it? so it’s the two of them alternating between hissing at harry and hissing at the basilisk and harry is trying so hard not to laugh because 90% of what they’re saying is utter nonsense and the basilisk doesn’t even bother, because she likes these two humans but wow are they dumb, that’s not how words work.

youreagoodliar:

To be perfectly clear, the scare tactic article titles that are all like “SONY IS PATENTING THE ANIMATION STYLE USED IN SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDERVERSE” are… all completely untrue.

The pending patent is for the software they used to make the movie, a software their company created and which they have complete right to patent in the same way videogame companies patent game engines and computer companies patent operating systems.

Article titles like this are either incompetent journalism, clickbait, or blatant attempts to get people to blacklist the film in a blind rage, and they are absolutely not representative of the actual circumstances.

dragons-and-gays:

the most life-changing customer i’ve ever had at work was a guy who came up to me and my coworker when we were at cash and said ‘hey kids…. wanna see something?’

and I said sure because why the fuck not, i’m here for a good time not a long time, and this motherfucker pulled a railroad spike out of his pocket.

A GODDAMN

ANTIQUE

RAILROAD

SPIKE

It was a fucking foot long chunk of steel that weighed about five pounds on its own so i was like ‘huh….. neat’

and he said ‘wait. there’s more’ and he took out a screwdriver. inlaid into the head of the spike. ‘things aren’t always as they appear’ he said as he unscrewed the bit and pulled out of this goddamn railroad spike

a statue

a tiny, tiny golden statue stood on the base of this flathead screw. it was a tiny golden man standing next to a tiny golden flower with gemstones in the petals. the whole thing was smaller than my thumbnail is tall. it was detailed enough that the tiny man had facial features. it was amazing.

‘oh my god,’ i said. ‘how long did it take you to make that?’

‘here’s a word of advice,’ he said, ‘never answer that question when people ask it. it devalues your work. you’ll get faster and better at things, and be able to make more art in less time. they don’t need to know about the process, just the product’.

and he left and that’s the one artistic piece of advice i definitely wanna hold to.

don’t tell people how long it takes to make shit.

mercurialmalcontent:

earlgraytay:

lunariagold:

moonchild8914:

The internet war on sex is here

It’s not just Tumblr, people. This shit is getting ridiculous.

Of course it’s not Tumblr!

They came for Craigslist personals first because that’s the oldest trick in the book: Sneakily taking down the ‘perverts’ under the guise of vague, high morality goals and working slowly up from the bottom, picking off larger and larger targets. Few people cared about CL because of the stereotype of scary unwashed creeps trawling for sex online. That wasn’t so familiar or cute so it was fair game.  

Tumblr is biting at the ‘artists’ heels and suddenly there is a bit more noise, because artists aren’t supposed to be treated like shit, are they? However even now the hair-splitting over what’s porn and therefore garbage and not-art shows that attitudes are not so different. It’s still the same divisive, dangerous us v.s. them mentality that is so easily exploited.

This is why when people tell me I shouldn’t worry about this because ‘my art isn’t porn anyway’ it makes me angry. It means so much more than drawings or a silly blog. This is about people being slowly phased out of their freedoms, rights and agency. History has shown time and time again that whenever power wants to make a crushing move backwards, it comes for what it declares ‘obscene’ first. People are raised to be scared and ignorant of sex so it’s an easy gateway. When they come cracking down on sex is when we most need to pay very close attention. They are not protecting us.

Yeah. This isn’t about whether *you*, specifically, don’t want NSFW content shoved in front of your eyeballs, it’s about whether the people who want to see NSFW content have the right to see it *at all*.

It’s also about what counts as ‘nsfw’ or ‘pornographic’ content. The article hints at it but doesn’t state it directly, but LGBT content – any LGBT content, even the most G-rated or strictly informative kind – is usually an early target in the name of ‘cleaning up’ a website. (YouTube, for example, is already guilty of doing this.)