tbh im kinda glad that a lot of the realistic pokemon in the detective pikachu trailer are high key teetering on the edge of uncanny valley because like.. these are fantasy creatures that sort of talk and shoot fucking electricity and vines and fire and psychic energy out their eyeballs, they SHOULD look weird and alien. psyduck is a pokemon defined by the fact that it is experiencing an unending headache that motherfucker better look like he has seen the rise and fall of civilization itself. mr mime is literally like three brain cells away from being straight up human the sight of one should make me uncomfortable.
basically what im saying is we have been spoon-fed woobified anime pokemon for too long. put the monster back in pocket monsters.
The problem isn’t how bizarre and monstrous they look. The problem is that they keep fucking giving them human fucking eyes instead of animal eyes.
You look at this fucking asshole with his weird buggy human grandpa eyes and you tell me there is a fucking god.
Now compare to this instead, for example:
Is it offputting? Sure. Is it monstrous? Yep. But is it weirdly fucking human? Thankfully no, not anymore.
i wonder if pokemon hackers can exist in the pokemon universe like how they do irl. like learning years and years of coding in order to find a loophole in the pc boxes in order to literally materialize the strongest, shiniest, best friend
itd probably be taken way more serious, like borderline blackmarket stuff so more casual pokehackers make sure their hacked buddies dont stand out /too/ much but like, maybe 5 out of six of their team is shiny so maybe theres some suspicion
That I was out playing pokemon go, and people all over the world had started seeing this new pokemon popping up. Like out of nowhere this little thing started appearing occasionally. No word from Nyantic or The Pokemon Company about when or why they had released it. The pokemon was called “sleepytired” and it looked like this.
And you couldn’t catch it, the ball would just go straight through it. People were data mining and shit trying to figure out how to catch this thing but they couldn’t. Eventually they would just have to give up and leave the encounter.
After a few weeks of people reporting sightings of it, and no word from Nyantic, some creepy shit started happening…
What started happening was, if you entered an encounter with a “sleepytired” with the AR on it would manifest in the real world. But it wouldn’t do anything. It would just float there, watching.
So people being curious started doing this whenever they could, and these things would just manifest and stay there. Obviously this was causing problems because these things would just be floating menacingly in local parks and in the local McDonald. And they couldn’t be moved, because anyone who tried to move them or touch them would be struck by sudden, intense, chronic fatigue that seemingly had no cure.
The last part of the dream I remember was watching a news broadcast telling people that pokemon go was now illegal, and to avoid touching or disturbing the creepy little things that are now just about everywhere.
listen the ONLY part of a mr mime thats edible are the red spots, and thats ONLY after being properly cooked – if you bite into any part of their body while its still raw youll suffer near immediate food poisoning
luckily, just like red kidney beans, the potential toxins are easily to remove provided you take the right steps
once theyve been safely removed from their inedible surroundings, the larger red spheres are ready to begin working with – its worth noting that the smaller spots on the hands and cheeks also fall into this category, but theyre almost always too small to be considered harvesting by most professionals
youll want to start by cutting away any flesh thats still directly touching the pale parts; when in doubt, a wider cut is always preferred. better safe than sorry ! one benefit of working with mr mimes is that, along with many others in their typing, their bodies are held together with physic energy and thus dont require deboning
the next part is going to require boiling in a large pressure cooker- some may find it a challenge to to find a pot big enough to host all the parts, so cooking them individually is fine. remember to follow the instructions to the letter
after theyve been removed and dried, an easy way to text if theyre safe to eat is to cut them in half and check the spongy center – a darkened purple core means theyve been boiled long enough, while any lighter, greenish tints means you probably needed a bit more time
once theyre out of the danger range, you can now safely use them in variety of dishes ! their almost mushroom-like texture means they absorb flavors well, and pictured above is one of my personal favorites
THIS guy though, you can just pop em into your mouth whole. its fine
which pokemon could i most easily kill with my bare hands?
current first place: Mr. Mime.
Not because Mr. Mime is particularly weak, but because if I ever saw a Mr. Mime in real life I would be filled with the exact power needed to kill a Mr. Mime
Procrastination Station 