Me, looking over the architecture plans for my evil organization’s base: “Hmm. Looks good, but there’s just one one problem. The vents need to be bigger. Make those air ducts easily accessible and large and strong enough for a well-muscled adult man to crawl through them.”
Henchman: “Isn’t that a security risk?”
Me: “What? No. Also, make sure they form an unbroken connection between all the most important rooms in my lair.”
Me: “Actually, now that I think about it, why not add plush carpeting to the floor of the air ducts? Something soft and cushioning beneath knees. Can you place drinking fountains throughout? Maybe scatter some protein bars.”
Henchman: “Um… boss?
Me: “And one of those motivational posters! Is the ‘hang in there’ kitten too cheesy? Maybe… maybe I should leave handwritten notes taped to the walls. Flowers? Is flowers too much? What about tic-tacs?”
Henchman: “Jesus, boss! Do you want me to go ahead and hang up an artistic nude oil painting of you in the air ducts?”
Me: “Ooh. Do you paint?!”
Excuse me…?! Why, I never! Who do you think you are? Don’t be ridiculous. Why would you think such a thing? Disgusting. You have such a filthy, depraved mind. Gross! Ew! Ew ew ew! I built this death trap to KILL my nemesis. That’s why I included a deactivation switch in easy reach. And sexy, sexy straps… so that I can see that they’re not hiding any secret weapons, of course! I’m all business. I’m all about business. Now, get out of my sight. I need to take a bath with my nicest bath bomb and scented oils.
Henchman: “Are you alright, boss?”
Me: “Hm? Yes, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
Henchman: “Well. I mean. You’ve been listening to ‘Genghis Khan’ by Miike Snow on repeat for sixteen loops while watching yourself sexy-cry in front of a mirror.”
Me: “And?”
Henchman: “Sir, have you… considered making an online dating profile?”
Me: “Uh, no. What for?”
Henchman: “I just thought it might make it easier to, you know… meet cute guys.”
Me: “Don’t patronize me, you useless fool. I know how to meet cute guys. That’s easy! You just take the mayor hostage or build a bomb that looks like your face and they come running.”
Henchman: “Okay, okay, fair enough, you know how to meet cute guys. But what about getting them to stay? I really think an online dating profile could help with that.”
Me: “It’s not MY fault they’re always carrying lockpicks!”
Me: “Well. It’s happened again. He left me… he shot me in the leg… I just don’t know what he wants anymore!”
Henchman: “Perhaps you should learn to take a hint, sir.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Henchman: “Well, I think ‘a bullet’ is a pretty strong hint that he’s just not into you.”
Me: “How can you be sure of that?! He’s so wily and complicated. He uses bullets all the time – it could mean anything!”
Henchman: “Sir, do you know why I continue working for you after all these years?”
Me: “….job security?”
Henchman: “No.”
Me: “The atmosphere?”
Henchman: “God, no.”
Me: “The… uh. Retirement benefits…?”
Henchman: “You’ve got to be kidding me…. ugh! Just shut up and remove your pants so I can dig that bullet out.”
It really, REALLY bothers me when I hear people frame climate change and other environmental crises as something that everyday, average-ass people are responsible for, and not corporations and entire governments.
Like literally, how can a regular-ass person ~opt out~ of all damaging behaviors while still being able to function in society?
You literally can’t.
The future of our planet is not down to whether or not someone recycles their water bottle.
It’s down to whether or not governments and corporations decide to quit sucking up all our resources and poisoning the earth with reckless abandon.
I mean obviously people should still live as cleanly and as sustainably as they can manage where they are and with what they have, but like. THAT isn’t the major issue.
govts and corporations have deliberately put the onus on yr individual choices so the system can continue being as destructive/profitable
God bless this post this pisses me off so much
Also this hyper-individualist shift of responsibility is largely an American thing and consumerism is framed as a solution- e.g., buy more shit that’s sustainable! That’ll fix the problem (buy a new, green water bottle! buy a new, green car! buy a new, green whatever-the-fuck that’ll just ultimately produce more waste)!
I took a course in sustainable engineering.
The professor mentioned that even if every private individual in the world were to conserve resources and the environment the ol’ Jimmy Carter way- by turning down the thermostat, recycling your glass and plastics and metals, cut down on luxuries, take shorter showers, etc., it would only get us 10% of the way to where we need to be in order to avoid global catastrophic climate change.
Private individuals hardly make a dent, even in ideal conditions.
Thank you.
Extra important note for spoonies. Please don’t feel bad for needing disposable medical equipment, pill bottles, long showers, micro fiber blankets, packaged pre-made food, straws, paper plates etc. You’re not individually ruining the environment, you’re doing the best you can while taking care of yourself. The blame is on corporations.
This is so important!!!
So many things that people are leaping on bandwagons to ban ARE NEEDED BY DISABLED PEOPLE.
But no one cares! It’s just like the “Opioid Epidemic” and the knee jerk backlash to just cut them off. It’s ridiculous! It’s solving a problem by making another! But hey, it’ll make some people FEEL like they DID SOMETHING, so who cares who gets hurt? Who cares about the critical life threatening damage and death it causes? Because “Epidemic!” Because “straws are bad!” Because because because!
Because Disabled Lives Don’t Matter to Abled People.
That’s it. We’re already a burden to them. We’re already an annoyance. An inconvenience. We’re different, we’re weird, we don’t fit the mold. So, to hell with us! To hell with caring about us. Even thinking about us. Because it’ll save the precious turtles or birds or something. Because taking away everything that helps us survive is the only way to make people feel like they’re doing something about a huge problem like climate change, when it’s really just screwing people whose lives are hard enough.
I will forever reblog posts like this, because it’s SO fucking important.
This is the 10th one of these flowers Slash has stolen and brought home.
Here is number 11…
Here’s his third catch of the night.
And that second photo is his face right after I told him “People on the internet love your flower catching skills, Mr. Slash!”
Guess what Mr. Slash is up to tonight?
And, he’s back at it again tonight.
He got another one, and he is proud of himself.
He brought in another one tonight.
Thank you, Mr. Slash!
He is so beautiful 😭
He’s aware of that, and loves being told that. 😛
Sometimes, he will hold my hand when I ask him about the flowers.
He brought these two flowers in last night, and decided to pose for me when I put them near him to take photos.
Plot twist! He brought back a hibiscus tonight instead of the usual ones.
He must be feeling more tropical.
He’s back to the normal ones now…
Even when it’s raining, he still decides to go and find these. Good thing for him that whatever breed of cat he is, he has remarkably water-resistant fur!
He had a very busy night while everyone was asleep last night…
He had a busy night while I was watching SummerSlam.
He gave us one more last night, bringing his total from last night to 6! That’s a new one-night record for him!
Mr. Slash’s flower hunting adventure master post keeps on growing.
He was back at it again today.
And two more from last night…
Thank you, Mr. Slash!
Such a good kitty!
He is!
I wish Oreo brought me flowers instead of birds, lizards, mice, and squirrels 😂😂
Mr. Slash even wanted to hold hands after giving me this one.
He’s a special cat. 😀
He was asleep this morning after bringing me this one last night…
Two more gifts from Mr. Slash tonight.
Please tell Mr. Slash I love him.
Feeling sad? Have a big fluffy kitty bringing flowers to his people.
down the block is a person who is inexplicably losing all the flowers in her garden
@thoughts-of-an-x-factor did you ever find out where Mr. Slash got the flowers from? I’m so curious now!!
Oh! I’ve explained it before, but I know some people haven’t seen the explanation, so here it is:
Mr. Slash has made friends with an elderly woman who lives about three houses down from me. He gets the flowers from her garden. They are Camellias, so they grow, and fall off the bush by the handful, and he goes over there at night, and takes every single one from the ground, to bring back to me.
So, when I said he was stealing them, it was somewhat inaccurate. It’s actually more like he’s helping an old woman clean her garden up, and giving me gifts at the same time. She knows who he is, and where he comes from, and knows what he does.
This is delightful, and what a beautiful cat he is!
i love this guy 60% of every video is him rolling around on the floor screaming while his camera guy goes “hey….. u ok?” then 5 minutes later he gets up and is like “ok folks, there u have it, the Satan DeathRay Fire Monster actually does cause pain when it bites u. science is great”
To be fair, this is actually a really good way of getting kids to realize that these animals really are dangerous, and he goes through the first aid either on the same video or in a follow up video (if it’s something complicated). IIRC, the whole reason he started doing videos like this was because while he was in Montana or something he saw a lot of Facebook posts about people whose dogs had gotten too close to a porcupine and they didn’t know how to remove the quills, so he (naturally) went into the woods, found a porcupine, quilled himself and filmed himself taking the quills out and explaining what he was doing.
He’s still fucking insane, but, you know, it’s for a good cause
He’s living his best life, his job is getting hurt on camera and educating others on how to be safe. And he clearly loves his job.
ANSWERS on Eruri: entire fucking sections of a guidebook dedicated to yams waxing poetic about eruri, how ackermans unlock their full potential by devoting themselves to one person, that for levi this is erwin, that there’s a time he got a bit mad at erwin & felt a bit at sea, ~there’s still so much i don’t know about him~ but he didn’t doubt erwin and decided to go along with him, (wow this sounds exactly like historia’s pledge to ymir) etc. etc. a gold mine.
TRUST [May 2015]: more stuff about faith that we already know but it’s nice that they get their own relationship sections in character guides lol
(idk why it was necessary to add this here when this is eren’s profile & erwin’s not even linked to him?? just gotta insert Dat DeepTrust everywhere ig)
Interview with Erwin and Levi: from OUTSIDE guidebook, adorable part where levi is like “you’re not clean enough to talk to erwin!” the post comes with bonus eruri commentary from PASH! magazine
An Erwin profile: “more than anybody else” yanno what actually, on any given character intro (manga/anime/game/etc) it’s just super common to mention the ~bond~ or ~trust~ or ~belief~ between them, etc. (like in Levi’s profile for the Wings of Freedom game: “Erwin’s faith in him is strong” no im not gonna list down all the profiles that mention their deep gay connection sorry, that’s too much even for me)
Levi’s type, according to isayama, is “tall people.”actual
tall people btw. about 180+ cm. damn are there any tall people around that he has
self-professed personal feelings for, i wonder,
Smartpass stuff – weird area canonically? but the publishers are very quick to assure readers that these things have been supervised by isayama and have met his approval, also a bunch of them were bundled with volume 19
Levi: Close-up Report (Part One): “what makes you choose to work under the Commander? […] were you enticed by that special something
that comes with human relationships?” the fuck kind of question is this.
what the fuck kind of answer was that, too, levi, why are you so gay
“because of the relationship between Erwin
and Levi, if Erwin has already decided on something, then Levi thinks that it
is the right thing to do” among other things
Hangeki no Tsubasa – the game’s mostly just for lols but hey the 1.7x power boost was originally from here, then years later yams reveals that ackerpowers are fully unlocked by their one ackerperson, so. it’s Fair Game now
¯_(ツ)_/¯
Operation: Hospitality: contains tidbits such as levi inviting erwin to a party & the reveal that eruri always eat together after every expedition
The Survey Corps Muffler Incident: they’re just such massively cute dorks!! “LEVI HELP ME” “erwin tell them i have no interest in people’s underwear!!” “lol” “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING” also eruri parenting styles, levi is the strict one and erwin the lenient one, what a surprise
The Case of Erwin Smith Disappearance: WOW. erwin disappears & levi with sasha+connie embark on an epic
quest in his house to rescue him. N**TWIN. levi proving once again that
he’ill follow erwin in absolutely everything. cutest ever sleepy
scenes. jfc!!
Editor’s comments – bessatsu is published with a fanart
section! sometimes erwin and/or levi art is featured. the editor
comments range from a simple “aw that’s cute” to… well. i’m including this section in the post bc it’s hilarious
August 2016:
“Levi carves his vow to Erwin on his chest” bro, chill
October 2016:“…his thoughts to Erwin within his chest” sorry, no chill
(october 2015 especially kills me bc that’s so goddamn suggestive. but what can you expect when snk’s main editor once #rekt an eruri hater on twitter. does he ship it hard lmao)
Boyfriend Jacket Discourse: there is still no confirmation on who owns the jacket levi was wearing, but this is a nice take on it with translations & context
Procrastination Station 