The USPS is the fastest, cheapest, and most accurate mail service on the planet last I heard, and is the biggest employer of veterans in the entire country.

On top of that, mail carriers:
-have wages that top out at over $30 an hour (and their wages go up in predictable steps based on how long they’ve been with the USPS)
-have excellent benefits, including a shit-ton of vacation time, plus a pension, and they can retire after thirty years

But they also have one of the oldest, biggest, strongest unions in the country. That must piss off Republicans so much.

Also, side note: they take zero taxpayer dollars. They’re entirely funded by postage.

(”But I heard they were doing terribly!” They’re not. Congress saddled them with pre-funding their retirement 75 years out to intentionally put them in the red and make them look bad. I’m not joking or exaggerating. There’s tons of info, but here’s the USPS’s own info: https://about.usps.com/who-we-are/financials/annual-reports/fy2010/ar2010_4_002.htm )

Source: millennial-review

My boyfriend won’t stop talking to me about whether or not I would eat Pokémon steaks. We think maybe Mr. Mime steaks would have white meat and ooze a purple liquid. I feel like you’re the only one qualified to tell us more

iguanamouth:

minmoh:

iguanamouth:

listen the ONLY part of a mr mime thats edible are the red spots, and thats ONLY after being properly cooked – if you bite into any part of their body while its still raw youll suffer near immediate food poisoning

luckily, just like red kidney beans, the potential toxins are easily to remove provided you take the right steps

once theyve been safely removed from their inedible surroundings, the larger red spheres are ready to begin working with – its worth noting that the smaller spots on the hands and cheeks also fall into this category, but theyre almost always too small to be considered harvesting by most professionals

youll want to start by cutting away any flesh thats still directly touching the pale parts; when in doubt, a wider cut is always preferred. better safe than sorry ! one benefit of working with mr mimes is that, along with many others in their typing, their bodies are held together with physic energy and thus dont require deboning

the next part is going to require boiling in a large pressure cooker- some may find it a challenge to to find a pot big enough to host all the parts, so cooking them individually is fine. remember to follow the instructions to the letter

after theyve been removed and dried, an easy way to text if theyre safe to eat is to cut them in half and check the spongy center – a darkened purple core means theyve been boiled long enough, while any lighter, greenish tints means you probably needed a bit more time

once theyre out of the danger range, you can now safely use them in variety of dishes ! their almost mushroom-like texture means they absorb flavors well, and pictured above is one of my personal favorites

THIS guy though, you can just pop em into your mouth whole. its fine

its fine

its fine

badscienceshenanigans:

systlin:

dzamieponders:

miss-pearls-official-account:

systlin:

frenzy5150:

systlin:

untilstarsfall:

systlin:

systlin:

systlin:

So apparently Senators Collins and Murkowski have pissed of the white male members of the GOP to the point where some members have said that they’d challenge them to a duel if they were in South Texas

Anyway so I’m calling Rep. Farenthold later to accept on Sen. Collin’s behalf and I’m choosing Fists. Can take place in Iowa because if two parties agree to mutual combat, under state law it is totally legal here.

And if he accepts yes I will stream that shit live don’t be silly.

And after I beat his ass once for Collins, I will duel him again on Murkowski’s behalf.

Square up, bitch.

OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH GOD CSPAN BOUT TO BE LIT

Submitted

SO I CALLED HIS DC OFFICE AND SAID BASICALLY THE SAME THING I SENT VIA EMAIL.

After about 20 seconds of dead silence, the staffer let out kinda a little laugh and said “Well ma’m, I’ll be happy to pass on your…”

“I’m not joking.”

“Ma’m?”

“You think I’m joking. I am dead serious. You want my address? Or I’ll meet him at the airport. I am absolutely serious about this. Oh, and as the challenged party, I get to pick weapons. I choose fists.”

Another 20 seconds of somehow even deeper silence.

“I…I’ll pass your challenge on to the congressman.”

“No. He issued the challenge. I’m accepting. Unless he’s backing out like the spineless coward he is.”

More silence. “I…I’ll let Congressman Farenthold know, ma’m.”

“You do that.”

ANYWAY SO HOW DID YOU ALL SPEND YOUR LUNCH BREAK TODAY.

I LOVE THIS DO IT B

followup when

FOLLOW UP; He has proved himself a faithless coward and refused to meet me in honest physical combat, so I cursed him. Specifically, called on his past misdeeds to be visited upon him and justice he’s evaded to find him.

He’s now retiring after his history of sexually assaulting women came to light and will not be seeking re-election anywhere.

reblog to bring truth out of her well to fisticuffs mankind

sketchy-scribs-n-doods:

mint-bees:

respecramen:

mint-bees:

Ive never played dnd before but if I ever get to be a dm I’m going to present it as a serious game the first 2 or 3 sessions no funny sounding names no nothing its all high fantasy and serious before completely shattering it in the worst way possible

explain

Sure, imagine Your party stuck in a cave fighting wild catlike creatures or something alike.

The creatures have blocked the way out And the only other way out seems to be a steady but shallow stream of water going deep inside the cave. You are losing the Fight but then you look up at The entrance And you see a silhouette of a man in expensive looking clothing looking down on you. You plead for help but he doesnt respond, instead he starts charging a spell Which makes the water coming from outside cover the caves Floor. The spell Weaves Around Your party but is starting to tug at the creatures. When you look up at the man you can see his face because of the glow coming from his hands, he looks middle aged, human with dark skin and short grey hair. His unexpressive eyes suddenly turn bright red as he says in a calm yet powerfull voice:

“Perish.”

All the animals in the cave get swooped away by the water, letting out one final cry as they get carried into the abyss. he slowly walks to Your weakened party. He stops right in front of you.

“Hail And Well met, my name is Barack, descendent of the house of White.”

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE POWER MOVE

shatterstag:

turdlewexler:

callmekitto:

fencetan:

waffilicious:

buetterfliege:

radioactivemongoose:

anne hathaway in drag

anne hathaway in drag

this is one of few things that I cannot look at without compulsively reblogging

I love this picture and I have no clue what the fuck is going on but oh my god

i don’t know what’s happening but it’s good

someday i’m gonna write a faux-historical queer drama and people will ask “what was ur inspiration” and i’ll be like that one picture of anne hathaway in drag kissing the pretty lady

For the record, this was Anne in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night.

she played Viola. Since a lot of people are like WHERE IS THIS FROM????

You might also know its adaption with Amanda Bynes: She’s the Man.

“Viola is shipwrecked on the coast of Illyria and she comes ashore with the help of a captain. She loses contact with her twin brother, Sebastian, whom she believes to be dead. Disguising herself as a young man under the name Cesario, she enters the service of Duke Orsino through the help of the sea captain who rescues her. Orsino has convinced himself that he is in love with Olivia, whose father and brother have recently died, and refuses to see any suitor until seven years have passed, the Duke included. Orsino then uses Cesario (Viola) as an intermediary to profess his passionate love before Olivia. Olivia however, believing Viola to be a man, falls in love with Cesario (Viola), while Viola has fallen in love with the Duke.”

so pictured is Olivia, Viola, and the Duke Orsino.

the best shakespeare play hands down

also in one of the film adaptions the duke, Orsino, kisses ‘Cesario’ while he still believes she’s a man.

morbidmanatee:

jungwildeandfree:

ethantheheffalump:

cerynn:

theamazingsallyhogan:

the-gender-enigma:

prokopetz:

Bad: aliens that insist upon referring to human women as “feeeeemales”.

Good: aliens that insist upon dividing humans into binary categories, but the binary in question is based on something we’d regard as trivial and bizarre.

pro cilantro and anti cilantro

Just to screw with us they refer to have designated half the population as “edible” and the other half is “inedible.”

No intention of eating anyone, they just like how uncomfortable it makes everyone.

Even better: the aliens all agree on who is edible and who is inedible, but the humans have no idea what the criteria is

Even better: there is no criteria, the Aliens just keep a running list of whenever one member designated a human as edible or not. People are baffled because the selection appears random yet all the aliens are up to date, so there must be SOMETHJNG

I love this because it implies the aliens possess either (1) a universal hive mind or (2) an intergalactic group chat dedicated to fucking with humanity

“Hey guys Steve Johnson just laughed at my antennae he’s edible ok?”

“Yum yum Steve ribs”

Cartoon octopus facial anatomy

bunjywunjy:

feanor-the-dragon:

cuddly-coati:

dimetrodone:

sunflowerrgay:

dimetrodone:

“If I give this thing a human face it will make it less scary right???”

Beakface McGee

The Siphon is the mouth but only in Japan

Drawn by looking at an actual octopus

Drawn by looking at an actual octopus and then telling it to go fuck themself

u forgot one

I didn’t count him cause all other forms are valid in some way as attempts while this creature is just disgusting

@that-damn-owl

If I had to suffer through this, then so are you, @bunjywunjy

why would you inflict this Buff Octopus Furry on me like this

Reaction to You Being Infertile – SBSP

krustykatering:

Spongebob: “It’s okay I still love you, [y/n], we can always adopt”

Patrick: “I don’t care what the doctor says, I’ll have you pregnant in 5 seconds flat”

Squidward: “Good”

Mr. Krabs: “Agagagagaggagagagagaga”

Mrs. Puff: “Please sit back down, [y/n], you’re interrupting class”

Gary: “Meow”

Plankton: “Great news, [y/n]! I just had a brilliant idea of how we could steal the krabby patty secret formula!”

diddly-darn-ghost:

comicsandslushies:

drinking-tea-at-midnight:

refuzz:

furbearingbrick:

diddly-darn-ghost:

2017: hate him for writing disappointing Danny Phantom series finale

2018: hate him for scamming people to pay $250k+ for an entertainment service Kickstarter that was literally just revealed to be intended to convert kids to Christianity the day after it was funded

Y U P

it’s worse actually

What

links to the tweets above: (x) (x) (x)

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

relentless android is sent back in time to stop a man’s conception by offering his mom contraception at a crucial moment

“Upon review, it became apparent that a violent approach was ineffective. The T-101 Terminator model was conspicuous, expensive, and easy to hate. It just wasn’t getting the job done. That’s why we are pleased to announce the release of our newest model – officially known as the C0K-1000 Discourager, he is affectionately called Cock Block. He is programmed with a database of millions of gross facts about sex, pregnancy, and child-rearing. A compartment in his chest is capable of storing a 365 day supply of condoms and contraceptive pills as well as an exhaustive list of sexual positions and practices that cannot result in pregnancy. He is adept at cooking spicy, garlic-heavy meals and has thousands of unpleasant smalltalk subroutines that will surely kill the mood and ruin any date. As an emergency resort, he also comes with a built-in speaker in his chest from which he can play voicemails from your parents or blast loud music from a playlist that includes obnoxious cartoon theme songs, Weird Al, DEVO, and the Shrek soundtrack. He can also synthesize foul-smelling compounds to discourage human arousal. He’s unstoppable.”

“Um. Sarah… do you know this guy?”
“Ignore it and don’t acknowledge him. So… tell me about yourself, handsome.”
“He’s peeking over the back of your booth bench mouthing ‘dump her’ at me. It’s kind of hard to ignore. Is he your ex or something?”
“Oh, god, no. He’s a robot sent from the future to keep me from getting laid. And he’s doing a damn fine job of it, too, the bastard. Last week he scaled the building and kept tapping on my 14th storey hotel room window pointing at a sign that said ‘postpartum bleeding’. God, I fucking hate technology.”
“Yeah…. sorry, I’m not sure I can do this. Good luck with your robot problem.”